Still Her

I recently read a book called Still Alice. It told the story of a 50 year old Harvard neuroscientist who developed early onset Alzheimer's Disease. The story was told mostly from her point of view, starting with early symptoms such as becoming disoriented in the middle of Harvard Square and proceeding to meeting her newborn twin grandchildren and not understanding why. As confusion sets in Alice is still Alice, her personality is still there in spite of increasing inability to remember. It was moving, but it is fiction, and I could dissassociate.

Today I heard that a former colleague/friend probably has early onset dementia or Alzheimers. Super organized, super efficient Chris began being a bit less efficient a few years ago. She was diagnosed with a rare neurological form of MS, but now they are doubting that diagnosis. Chris is still Chris, but friends who see her note differences. It is tremendously moving, and it's not fiction, and I can't dissassociate.

If I had any skill at math - which I do not - I could very well have gone into medicine. I read every medically based novel I can get my hands on. I currently watch Grey's Anatomy, House, all the CSI's, Bones, Mystery Diagnosis and any other slightly medically related show. I'm fascinated with figuring out diagnosis. I was even fascinated with my own episode of pancreatitis and gall bladder "stuff" last year. However, when it's a real mystery, it gets scary. I still am a bit apprehensive about all my itchy welts, but that's nothing compared to what Chris' family is dealing with these days.

My mother doesn't have Alzzheimer's but she does have some dementia. Mildred is quite sharp in verbal areas but, since a small stroke a few years ago, she can't "do" math. She can't add, can't count the play money she "wins" at games at Rosewood. Today I told her about Gail's mother's death. She reacted appropriately, but could not sustain the conversation. After about two sentences she started talking about something totally unrelated. I'm sure that her inability to focus is part of her dementia. She understands her math disability, but does she realize that she sometimes has inappropriate responses? Mildred is still Mildred....but there's a real mystery there, too. I hope it's not scary for her or for Chris.