Roots and Wings

I took David to the airport early this morning. He is flying to Hawaii to join Lisa and her family at their annual Spring break time-share . Meanwhile, Kevin is sleeping upstairs since Jen's mother is staying in their tiny apartment while she visits this week. Both of their cars are in our driveway. Roots and wings.

It's easy to do the "roots" part. Kevin and David both know that they, as well as Lisa and Jen, are always welcome, can always arrive unannounced and be fed, that there's always a bed available, and that we will always love them. No matter where they live, this is always home.

The "wings" part is not so easy. They are both literally away most of the time, living elsewhere and often traveling for work and pleasure. This year they are both in the Chicago area, but it is extremely likely that Kevin will end up in some other city. What else could we want than for them to find joy in their chosen careers and to take advantage of every opportunity that comes their way?

Maybe because I was an "older" mother who had seen class after class of 8th graders move on to high school, I was acutely aware of how quickly those pre-school years would pass and how soon my totally dependent babies would move into independent adults. As much as I was thrilled with each step - nursery school, kindergarten, middle school, high school, college, career - with each milestone there was also a sad feeling of being one step closer to "losing" them. I know now, of course, that I'll never "lose" them - that's the "roots" part.

My mother has often railed against what she sees as "wrong". Her family being scattered across the country is "just plain unfair". "It isn't supposed to be that way." Her feelings are understandable. In her youth it was unimaginable that sons or daughters would move away and extended family was always nearby. People took the safe route and settled for whatever work could be found locally....and, of course, women always stayed home.

We've lost that physical family togetherness, but none of our children are "settling".... and what a blessing for these young family members and friends.

• Tom who has found musical and lifestyle opportunities in cool, rainy Seattle that were unavailable to him in sunny Phoenix.
• Nancy who has found the joys of living on Chesapeake bay after her youth in the desert.
• Randy who, by age 26, is a professor and museum curator in Salt Lake City
• Lauren who intended to spend a year or so in Paris and found herself married to a frenchman and raising their bi-national daughter
• Margaret who spent a year in Argentina and now contemplates a graduate school program possibly leading to international work.
• Rebecca who, before using her physics degree, is spending two years teaching English in Japan....fulfilling a long time goal to learn more of the Japanese language and culture.
• and so forth, and so forth......
  

The funny thing is---not only are the young people following their dreams and using their talents, but their parents are spreading their wings as well. Lauren's parents have mastered "Skype", travel as easily to Paris as others travel to the next town, and are becoming somewhat comfortable in French. Margaret's parents have traveled to Argentina as well as other Latin American countries they never considered visiting before. Randy's parents can speak with authority about myriad scientific topics. We've all learned a lot about technology and the use of frequent flyer miles.

When it's a holiday and someone isn't sitting at the family table, it's easy to react with my mother's "It's not fair.", but what a blessing that our children have the opportunities to use their "wings" and find the place where they can best serve and grow.

As long as they don't forget to come back to their "roots".