To Facebook or Not to Facebook

....that is the question.

It started innocently enough. Last summer my elementary school class celebrated its 50th anniversary. People snapped photos. Those photos were put on Facebook and I was invited to be someone's friend to see the pictures. I greatly enjoyed seeing old friends at the reunion, but didn't feel the need to relive the experience via Facebook. Saying no was easy.

Later another friend invited me to be her "friend". She had some interesting materials to share via Facebook and I was tempted, but again said no.

Recently I've been thinking that I should be on Facebook because it would be a good way to connect professionally with people who attend my seminars. It would be a way for people who might want me to do some consulting to find me. It's tempting....but I am still hesitant and so far haven't acted on this idea.

Then Sunday we had a "ministry minute" during the church service. The speaker was a youngish single man whom I fully expected to talk about new opportunities for people in his age range. Maybe he had espoused a new ministry to the hungry, the homeless or the ill. Well, he did espouse a new ministry, but not one I was expecting. Our church's new ministry is to be a presence on Facebook!

So, after I got up from falling off the pew, I thought, "Is it time?" If Jesus were here today, would He be on Facebook?

Is it time? My older son, in spite of being in the prime demographic, wants nothing to do with Facebook. My younger son is on Facebook and, I suspect, would absolutely not want to be my Facebook "friend." I respect their decisions and certainly want them to have the privacy to deal with their friends in the ways that they prefer, but would a Facebook mom with no immediate blood relatives as "friends" seem like an unlikable person?

What if my wild life style of watching Grey's Anatomy, Jeopardy, and occasional doses of HGTV or Say Yes to the Dress became public knowledge?

What if people said something negative about my seminars for the whole world to see?

What if.....What if.....

So, dear readers, please weigh in on this big decision.

Laughter

Last night I attended the end of the year bash for the teachers at "my" junior high. I caught up with the few young teachers that I still know, then retreated to a table with my retired and soon-to-be retired friends. The next two hours were spent laughing.

Middle school teachers are a breed unto themselves. No one else really understands what it is like to spend a lifetime with twelve and thirteen year olds. No one else really gets the bizarre sense of humor that develops in career middle school teachers, but there at our corner table last night we were able to be our totally wacky selves. It was delightful!

As we reminisced and laughed, we were reminded by our not-yet-retired friends that the teaching world no longer allows for much laughter. Teachers are worried for their jobs. Teachers are being told that they are the cause of all the problems in education. Teachers spend their lunch hours eating at their desk while they tutor students. They attend hundreds of meetings each year. They are strongly discouraged from setting foot in the teachers' lounge during a prep period...even if their classroom is being used by another teacher!

They don't get to laugh.

At both of "my" junior highs, teachers worked hard. They came early, stayed late, and brought work home and they were there for the kids...but it was also OK to eat lunch with colleagues and it was OK to spend a few minutes of a prep period chatting with colleagues. The sharing of stories and the laughter is what got us through the occasional bizarreness of our environment. No one ever criticized us for the occasional silly prank. And, guess what? Morale was high. People liked coming to school. Good things happened.

I'm glad to be retired. I enjoy my freedom and new opportunities, but I do miss that collegial laughter!

Musings from the Road

My seminar travels so far this week have taken me to Newark, Ronkonkoma (central Long Island), New Rochelle (north of the Bronx) and this afternoon to Fishkill, New York. Some random observations:

• In Newark, the view out my window was of the Continental hanger of the airport. The view out the hallway window was of the New Jersey penitentiary. Great entertainment to watch prisoners play basketball during my lunch hour. Travel is glamorous.
• Although Ronkonkoma (I'm sure glad I don't have to write that as my return address on envelopes!) is in central Long Island we drove considerably farther east to see how the "other one percent" lives. My word! I thought I had seen lots of mansions along Sheridan Road in Chicagoland. Keniworth looks like Podunkville compared to South Hampton! Mega-mansions, either cedar sided or super modern style, hide behind meticulously manicured huge hedges and face the ocean. Even the sea gulls appeared extra white!
• We splurged at a lovely Italian restaurant in the town and sat next to a family with three young kids and gawked at their obviously expensive clothes and the fact that little kids were eating fancy, expensive food on a Monday night! We had our glamour, however. We left South Hampton and checked into our mansion.....the lovely Holiday Inn!
• After the seminar in Ronkonkoma we headed into Manhattan, stopped at "tickets tickets" in lower Manhattan and got half price tickets to the musical "Hair". I don't know why I get excited every time I'm in Manhattan, but I thoroughly enjoyed driving (actually, being driven) across the Brooklyn Bridge, along the FDR, passing the United Nations and then driving cross town on 45th, passing through Times Square during rush hour. It was slow and the police presence was bigger than usual but, man, it feels so alive. Hungry and with only fifteen minutes to show time, we got takeout from a nearby Chipotle and ate it sitting on a curb outside the theatre. More glamor!
• Seeing "Hair" was a real hoot! When it came out the first time I was 21 and, man, did the memories of those years come flooding back: burning draft cards, hippie clothes, early rock music, not trusting anyone over 30 and....horrors!...nudity on stage. My program manager is 26 and knew nothing of most of that "era" but, fortunately, at least pretended to be very interested in all my memories.
• Then it was a short drive to New Rochelle where I was treated to a hotel where, in order to go up to the 7th floor where today's seminar was from the 6th floor where my room was, I had to take the elevator down to the lobby and then transfer to another elevator to go up--carrying two big bags. Lunch meant I had to repeat that double elevator dance.....twice....because, in spite of having late check-out, my key wouldn't work.
  
• This is a really depressing time in foreign language teaching. I've been hearing all week of elementary and/or middle school programs being cut or reduced, wage freezes, teacher layoffs, and bigger and bigger class sizes. In some of the city schools they have classes of 35+. Sometimes - in one class - they have non-English speaking new arrivals, other long-term native speakers, Anglo kids who don't know any Spanish and every possible problem with socio-economic woes and learning disabilities. And I'm supposed to be able to teach them how to differentiate and meet all those needs!! And they remain good natured and enthusiastic!
  
• And then there are some private schools where classes of 15 are considered big.
• Teachers have been incredibly gracious and receptive, but there are always some funny things.
  

1. Two teachers blew huge bubble gum bubbles all day. Do they do that in their classrooms?
2. I designed an activity using obscure countries and capitals so that teachers could get some feeling for how hard some things are for their students. The capital of Israel is Jerusalem. Today, however, someone fussed that the capital is Tel Aviv. When I answered that I had researched this and that Tel Aviv was the capital at one time, but it is now Jerusalem, several people said, "No, it's Tel Aviv." One man with a laptop looked it up. When he said, "It says right here on Wikipedia that it's Jerusalem." they jumped all over him saying that Wikipedia isn't necessarily true. He had to research several other sites, before he finally found the official nation of Israel site which said, yes, Jerusalem is the capital. Yikes! That was ten minutes I had to cut out of my presentation. I wonder how they react when students disagree with something they say?
3. Someone came up to me at the morning break and said, "You're from Chicago, right? I can tell by your "a". " I know I have that awful flat "a", but I chuckled to myself because her question was asked in a strong, strong Brooklyn accent!
4. Two-thirds of today's participants complained that there weren't any muffins. Don't take away teachers' treats.

Tonight's hotel is right next to the Fishkill River. I know that "kill" means "river or stream" in Dutch, but Fishkill River still sounds funny! Of course, "fish river river" sounds weird, too!

What adventures await here tomorrow?

Keepers and Passers Through

As I was finishing my transaction at the self check-out of the grocery store, I had to get credit card approval from the clerk. As she finished, the clerk said, "You were my son's Spanish teacher." As it turns out, her son is one of my all time favorite students and I enjoyed hearing what he is doing in college.

Later I had a conversation with my mother at the nursing home catching up on all the residents who have died in the past few months. My mom's comment was, "I'm sure those people's families miss them, but it's weird here. One day they're here and the next they're gone and life just goes on." Sounds like a callous comment, but it was more just a statement of fact.

Two very unrelated experiences...but are they?

As a teacher I had intense relationships with about 120 kids a year for 32 years---roughly 4000 kids when you count summer school.

I also had intense relationships with about 100 staff members for each of those years. Each year there were about ten new people in each building. So that would be roughly 500 staff members.

As a parent of young kids I had close relationships with playgroup moms, PTA moms, Sunday School parents, Cub Scout parents, nursery school moms, teachers, and the parents of our kids' friends. I can't begin to count that category!

At church there have been a plethora of choir members, Bible study participants, bell ringers, committee members, circle members, and random people with whom I've drunk innumerable cups of coffee.

Then, of course, there are the elementary school friends, the high school friends, the college friends and hundreds of other relationships that don't fit into any of the above categories.

And this week I'll spend very intense time with about 200 teachers in the New York City area...and then most likely never see them again.

Life being as it is, my students always moved on to high school. Teachers retired or quit. Church members left the congregation or moved away. Our kids grew up and left activities behind.

And hundreds and hundreds of relationships quietly ended.

But, not all. Some are keepers.

I don't think we meet people and immediately decide who will be a "passer through", an important but short-term friend, or a "keeper", a life-long friend. It just happens.

A friendship develops and thrives until something happens. Someone moves away, has a baby, quits a job, gets really busy. Just as my 4000 students all moved on to high school, many friendships just sort of end. It's not dramatic. It's not related to strong emotions. As my mom said, "They are just here one day, and gone the next." The "passers through" fit a need at a point in our lives and enrich our lives, but it's OK when it's time to move on. God gave them to us when we needed that relationship.

The "keepers" are those relationships that continue in spite of all the things that happen. Both parties simply say it's NOT OK to move on. Thank you Club 62, Jill, Donna, and many others who said it's NOT OK to move on even when life took us in different directions. What a blessing to have you "keepers" in my life!