Rationaliztions

The state of Illinois is in the midst of huge budget crisis. In May the General Assembly slashed state spending for most human care services by 50% to 75%. Obviously, with a mother on Medicaid who relies on the state for almost every need, we are very concerned. Of course, it's not all about Medicaid - it's also funding for hundreds of vital programs from substance abuse treatments, to foster care, to education, to social services etc.

So I sat in my nice air-conditioned house and shot off e-mails to my representatives.

And felt guilty.

Because this morning, almost five months after a bunch of my mother's clothes were lost at the nursing home, I finally got the reimbursement. We got about half of what it cost to replace the lost items and they handled it slowly but nicely.

Somehow "taking" that money from Rosewood on the day that state agencies are not able to buy milk for a WIC program seems immoral.

Just as I sometimes think it is immoral for us to let Mom be on Medicaid and have her needs taken care of by the state. Usually those thoughts come up when I've heard someone talk about "lovingly taking mom into their home when they can't live on their own because they couldn't ever, ever put their parent in a horrible nursing home."

So I feel guilty for a while, then sanity takes over. Mom's physical needs are way too big to be handled by one person, we don't have the money for health aides, our house is impossible for a person in a wheel chair, she could never get the medical care she's now getting in a private home, there would be no stimulation, and I couldn't work or be of any use to any other family member or aspect of society.

The biggest issue, however, is that if I had to handle all of Mom's physical, medical, and emotional needs there would soon be TWO of us needing to be institutionalized.

So I guess I'm saving the state money?????????????