Ground Rules

I'm reading an absolutely fascinating book, Escape, by Carolyn Jessop. She tells of growing up in the Fundamental Latter Day Saints church, being coerced into marriage with a man 32 years her senior when she was only 18, living with 5 other wives and dozens of children, and eventually escaping with her 8 children. Her reports to the Utah attorney general on church abuses helped convict Warren Jeffs, their notorious leader.

Growing up with the name Mohrman, my classmates always looked at me and snickered when the Mormon religion was occasionally mentioned at school. Ed and Judy had Mormon neighbors in Arizona and I've taught a number of delightful, bright Mormon kids. French teacher friend Jill and I toured Temple Square when we were in Salt Lake City for a conference. Supposedly a great aunt of mine converted to Mormonism in her old age. We used to wonder if she had had us baptised by proxy into that faith. Last year fundamentalist Mormons made the news in Texas when the government swooped in to remove and eventually return children suspected of being abused to their polygamous homes.

None of that background prepared me for this book. The author speaks of terrible abuse by her mother, who whipped her children repeatedly because that was what she was expected to do to train them. Girls were rarely allowed to go to school past high school. The "prophet" would decide which girl should marry which man and marriages took place within a day or two of being informed. Almost without warning girls were snatched from their homes and sent to be the wife of men much older than they. The wives in the author's polygamous home were always fighting with each other for privileges and nights with the husband. The dozens of children were often left in dangerous situations with only the older children to supervise them.

I guess I'm blown away by this book because, not only is it true, the events took place in this century - the 21st century! In this country. Under our noses.

The other fascinating idea is that the author frequently mentions how miserable she was and how awful the living conditions were, but also repeatedly says that her faith remained strong and she didn't question the rules of the religion. That just shows the amazing power parents have in teaching their culture to their children.

On a much less horrendous scale, I grew up fully believing that the Republican party is the correct one, that only men could be pastors, that there was "girls' work" and "boys' work" around the house, that my brother's education was more important than mine "because he would work all his life", that you'd never buy anything on credit, that it was best to be of German heritage, and that teen-agers would never be allowed to dance on church property. These weren't stated "rules", they were just part of the culture. I started questioning these beliefs in later adolescence, but sure never doubted any of that when younger.

I wonder what ground rules Ken and I subconsciously taught David and Kevin. I wonder what they have rejected. I wonder what they will teach their children.