Life Lessons

Yesterday was supposed to be a pretty simple, ordinary day: a regular Friday jaunt around the "lake" with my walking buddies and pick up my daughter-in-law at the airport at around midnight. In between would be grocery shopping and reorganizing the upstairs after Thursday's carpet installation. Most of those things happened - no upstairs organizing - but there were a few life lessons.

Life lesson #1: Getting old is awful. Actually, it isn't getting old that's awful as many people have very fulfilling lives way into their 90's. What's awful is becoming old and infirm.

My mom had a relatively non-serious fall on Thursday and the staff at the nursing home was being particularly watchful of her. Coincidentally, she had horrible hallucinatory dreams on Wednesday and Thursday nights that greatly disturbed her sleep. Yesterday afternoon, the staff reported to the doctor that Mom was confused, overly sleepy and weaker than normal. The doctor ordered a CT scan to make sure there wasn't a bleed in the brain.

Being the advocate stuck in the middle, I knew that Mom wasn't confused, as I had had totally rational conversation with her during my morning visit. I also knew she was extra sleepy because she hadn't slept....duh! I didn't think a CT scan was needed. The doctor, of course, made me feel guilty by reminding me that, IF she had a bleed, she would die if we ignored it.

So, at 5:00 I return to the nursing home, make sure Mom gets something to eat knowing the hospital experience would take a long time, and wait and wait for the ambulance to come. What followed was four hours of mostly waiting. We waited for a doctor to see her, we waited for CT to be ready, we waited forever for the CT report which was thankfully just fine, then waited another forever for a return ambulance. Mom is just fine today - slept well and played Bingo this morning!

HOWEVER, seeing Mom go through all the indignities of an emergency room visit, was hard. On a normal visit Mom is sitting in her wheelchair and we have interesting conversations. Her cognition is superb. (She asked "Igor" the ER aide if he was related to Stravinski and then told him all about a travelogue she had seen about Ukraine, his country of origin.) She complains about her arthritis pains but, probably in denial, I don't dwell on that.

In the ER however, it was patently clear how debilitated she is. She can't lift herself to help someone pull off her pants. She can't get her arm in a sleeve unless the assistant pushes it in for her. She was unable to sign her name on a form. The transfer from chair to gurney required two people supporting her entire weight as she made one painfully difficult step. Her arthritic hands make any fine motor action pretty impossible.

Everyday I walk past the "assisted" area at the nursing home and see people staring into space, people who have lost physical and cognitive abilities and I am so thankful that Mom's cognition is so good. Nonetheless, watching her physical abilities inexorably diminish is hard.

Life Lesson #2. People who take care of old and infirm people are gifts from God. Both ambulance crews treated Mom with dignity and humor. They talked to HER, not over her head. They were kind and professional as they moved her. IGOR was gentle, efficient and kind as he changed Mom's clothes. The aides at the nursing home spend most of their days helping people dress, eat and go to the bathroom, yet they, too, treat the residents with kindness and humor. These are not glamorous or well paid jobs, but they make such a difference in many lives.

Life Lesson #3. Beware of schizophrenic Chicago weather. Yesterday was sunny and hot....until 4:00 p.m. when we suddenly were in quasi tornado weather. A few windows were even blown out of the Willis (aka Sears) Tower downtown. Ken's office, along with major parts of the city, lost power. The winds and lightning and force of the rain were frightening---and, of course, the storm was in force while I was back and forth with the doctor and the nursing home on the phone. In an hour or so, the storm passed and it once again was sunny. As I was walking to my car after the hospital visit at 9:00 p.m., suddenly the sky was again full of lightning and I drove home through another frightening storm. As I looked at my "app" for airplane arrivals, I saw the looping pattern than my daughter-in-laws plane made as it crossed the country avoiding the storms. This pattern is supposed to continue for a few days.

Life Lesson #4. Life goes on in most pleasant ways. I got to buy a gift for a baby GIRL! My god-daughter's second child is the first "related" GIRL baby I've been able to buy for in 25 years! Two nieces, 35 and 25, are the only female relatives among people younger than I. The new baby's mom is a "niece" by desire, not blood, and she's over 30 also. It's been a long time since I walked through the baby girls' section!

Oh, what choices!!! Do I get the little polka dot dress? How about the outfit with matching leggings....in size 3 months! Which shade of pink is prettiest?

I love, love, love the former and current little boys in my life, but pink is sure fun to buy!

And its wonderful that there are new little babies to rejoice in while being so aware of the other end of life.