Keepers and Passers Through

As I was finishing my transaction at the self check-out of the grocery store, I had to get credit card approval from the clerk. As she finished, the clerk said, "You were my son's Spanish teacher." As it turns out, her son is one of my all time favorite students and I enjoyed hearing what he is doing in college.

Later I had a conversation with my mother at the nursing home catching up on all the residents who have died in the past few months. My mom's comment was, "I'm sure those people's families miss them, but it's weird here. One day they're here and the next they're gone and life just goes on." Sounds like a callous comment, but it was more just a statement of fact.

Two very unrelated experiences...but are they?

As a teacher I had intense relationships with about 120 kids a year for 32 years---roughly 4000 kids when you count summer school.

I also had intense relationships with about 100 staff members for each of those years. Each year there were about ten new people in each building. So that would be roughly 500 staff members.

As a parent of young kids I had close relationships with playgroup moms, PTA moms, Sunday School parents, Cub Scout parents, nursery school moms, teachers, and the parents of our kids' friends. I can't begin to count that category!

At church there have been a plethora of choir members, Bible study participants, bell ringers, committee members, circle members, and random people with whom I've drunk innumerable cups of coffee.

Then, of course, there are the elementary school friends, the high school friends, the college friends and hundreds of other relationships that don't fit into any of the above categories.

And this week I'll spend very intense time with about 200 teachers in the New York City area...and then most likely never see them again.

Life being as it is, my students always moved on to high school. Teachers retired or quit. Church members left the congregation or moved away. Our kids grew up and left activities behind.

And hundreds and hundreds of relationships quietly ended.

But, not all. Some are keepers.

I don't think we meet people and immediately decide who will be a "passer through", an important but short-term friend, or a "keeper", a life-long friend. It just happens.

A friendship develops and thrives until something happens. Someone moves away, has a baby, quits a job, gets really busy. Just as my 4000 students all moved on to high school, many friendships just sort of end. It's not dramatic. It's not related to strong emotions. As my mom said, "They are just here one day, and gone the next." The "passers through" fit a need at a point in our lives and enrich our lives, but it's OK when it's time to move on. God gave them to us when we needed that relationship.

The "keepers" are those relationships that continue in spite of all the things that happen. Both parties simply say it's NOT OK to move on. Thank you Club 62, Jill, Donna, and many others who said it's NOT OK to move on even when life took us in different directions. What a blessing to have you "keepers" in my life!